My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
