I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
