it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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