So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
