Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
