Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
