Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i can't believe i had my finger in that
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
