sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
