Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
