porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
