I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
