They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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