remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
