hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.