I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny