I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
