Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
babies were throwing up all over the place
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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