god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
