i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
