any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
