The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
