i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
