her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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