I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
