I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
my liver is dry heaving
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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