yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
