At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
