i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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