I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
