Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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