I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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