I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
