I could make wine with my vomit
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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