You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
