Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
