Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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