I just cut my nipple shaving
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
