i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
