i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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