I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
