So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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