i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
