I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
