best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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