Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
