sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
