Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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