Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
