I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
