why im i the only drunk person in the library?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she pinky promised me she was 18
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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