There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
