nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
