Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
