the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
