What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
