how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
