Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
nutella sex= disaster
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Even my vagina gasped.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
