she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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