She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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