Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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