I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
