Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
