dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
