were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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