If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
