DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
