Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize