me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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