Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
