you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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