imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
