My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
