Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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