Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
