i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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