We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
